beach.

tonight was solid. went to my favorite place ever. I love cedar and I love the beach. 

this was so pointless I guess. but I love college and I love my life and I hope you do too (: 

i should be listening..

so my human development class is an appropriate time to blog, right? yeah I thought so. I had such a good week last week. I can't believe how much I love it here all of the sudden. just when I think things are as good as they could get, I have a really good day at work or I score really well on a quiz I didn't know I had. seriously, I'm so happy and blessed. there were problems I had when I first got here and I just didn't understand how things could go so bad. but looking back, it was actually a blessing that things worked out the way they did. sometimes I forget that Heavenly Father is never gonna leave me hanging and he is gonna make sure everything will work out the in the way that's best for me. 

I had a really awesome run the other day and I ran to the top of this mountain and when I got to the top this was waiting for me. my gram thinks I should send this in to ksl, apparently I can win an iPad (; but seriously, how amazing is this world we live in? I'm in cedar city, Utah and I swear it's the prettiest ever. ah I can't get enough. 

the other day I had the funnest night with an old friend. we just explored cedar a little and talked about old times and current times. and it was the best. 

I also went home this Sunday and I freakin love my family so much. 

if Kaden ever finds out I posted this he will never speak to me again but this makes me laugh so hard so I had to put it somewhere (: anyways though, solid sabbath with the fam damily. 

I guess my point is that if something is hard, wait it out. give it time. Heavenly Father has got this. it'll be okay. 

better and better.

so this is pretty much just me talking about how pretty cedar is and posting mediocre pictures I took on my phone round two. how obnoxious am I? (; no but really LOOK. 

I am so obsessed with the weather here right now. I know that in about a month, if that long it's gonna be freezing and I'm gonna be eating my words but for now I'm in love. 

did you know cedar just has its own tiny lake? this is where I go always. because it's warm water and so calm and beautiful. 

guys college isn't as bad as I made it out to be. I had a really rough start, but I'm about 70 million times better. dare I say I like it? this is what I learned. attitude is absolutely everything. I had it set in my mind that was a huge step, which it was. and I give myself props for being here and trying this, so yay me. but it's DEFINITELY do-able. and it can be hard and I'm sure I'll have some more really tough days when I just wanna go home. but I can do it. 

tonight my suite mates invited me to go to McDonalds with them and I did. I really haven't gotten to know them at all and I feel bad about that. this week I'm gonna make an effort to be their friend. because how fun would it be to be their friend and hangout and have cute roommate movie nights? okay probably that was creepy. 

but anyways. college is good. change is completely necessary and anyone can handle it. and my roommates are gonna be my friends. holler. 

cedar appreciation.

so I personally think I work on the cutest street in cedar and I love my job. tonight we were way slow and my boss doesn't care what I do so I stood outside and watched the sunset for really probably 20 minutes. 

I just work here. so cute. let me draw your attention to some specifics. first of all the classic barber shop swirly thing. I don't know what its called, I just know I love it. second of all the hanging basket of flowers. I am in love. it's hard to see because it was getting dark, but use your imagination. and the lights in the trees make my day. all the buildings are cute and old and I just love it okay. 

also this. taken right from the doorway of my work. how unreal is this? cedars sunsets are always nuts but I was dying tonight. 

I dunno, I've really appreciated this place more the past few days. I don't hate it here anymore. I actually really like it (: 

looking up.

you know that old saying 'its always darkest before the light?' I really feel like I experienced that this week. I really didn't know what I was gonna do at the beginning of this week. moving home and commuting was something I thought about a million times a day. I felt judged and alone and so sad all the time. it was  rough go. then all of the sudden things got better. I owe a big part of it to my brother. I called my mom when day and was crying to her about how awful everything was and how I didn't have any friends here and Jord was with her and could hear what was going on. the next day I get a text from a number I didn't know asking me on a date. come to find out it was one of Jordan's old mission companions that's also at suu going to school. we went and got ice cream and just talked and it felt so good to know I finally have a friend here. it felt good to talk about stuff that wasn't college related and to laugh and not be alone. and I owe that to my brother. 

that was really the start of things looking up around here. that night I was in such a good mood and I went to casino night, a college sponsored party, I didn't really gamble. relatives calm down (; 

me being a freakin stud and winning black jack over and over (; 

look how fun it was though. everyone was dressed up all fancy and it was in a way cool building and it was just a fun atmosphere! seriously such a fun night. 

the next night me and Haylee came home to hurricane for a suu/Dixie combined dance party. 

Kalli is going to Dixie so she came with us and it was so fun to hangout with her! I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her. 

we slept in hurricane that night and I was woken up at 9 in the freaking am by my dad to go clean the church for the SECOND WEEK IN A ROW. wtf. but luckily I love my family and how huge it is so it wasn't that big of a deal. 

plus I got to use this huge vacuum so it wasn't all bad, folks. 

that night we came back up to school and went to the first home game of the season! 

it was seriously so fun to go to a football game again. I've missed it! we won, complete blowout, but it was way fun! 

after the game was a huge paint dance and it was absolute POURING but it was so so fun. and dangerous. people go crazy to get to the front of things. lets not be complete savages, people. 

we're looking a little rough, but it was so fun! 

I was home in hurricane today and really I have the best family, absolutely no competition. after dinner today we were all just sitting around talking and it's really baffling how hilarious all my brothers and parents are. I absolutely love it. also we took family pictures last weekend because we were all home for the first time in forever. look how precious. 

these ones were my favorites and they're mostly just the ones we were being silly in. but that's just how we are and it's my favorite. also these are crappy quality because I had to take a picture of a picture. sorry about it. 

alright I'll be done now. sorry about the marathon post. here's to another good week! 

perfect.

So okay I cheated. I said I was gonna find one positive thing about college today and woops my positive thing today was I got to leave college and go HOME 💙 

I seriously love hurricane. I love my house and all the food we have. Seriously so many choices. Like other than fruit snacks and goldfish because that's what I've been living off of. Love my mamma. She cracks me right up. Love Brandon and Derek. LOVE Kaden. Oh so much. Love my dad and his sarcastic dry sense of humor. Love spending time with Keanu. Seriously nobody puts me in a good mood like that kid does. Just LOVE hurricane. 

I got to go watch my best friend quarterback tonight and it was so fun. 

I look Chinese, everyone get right over it because I love him okay. 

These cute boys made it to the final cut of student council and got to do their skits in front of the school today. Seriously no two cuter kids in the world. 

And to top the day off I got to see this cute girl for a minute (: 

One last thing. If one more person makes the comment 'oh you just live in cedar, you're close, you're fine!' Or 'jessica you've only been moved out a week!' NO. I'm allowed to miss hurricane and love it and visit it every day if I want okay. 

Anyways perfect day 💙💛

i'm still at college.

So I really was gonna be good and blog about everything ever that happened to me at college but it turns out that even at college, I suck at blogging.

Guys college is hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Not like hard class wise, because honestly so far I love the school part of college, but hard in every other way. I am constantly torn between staying here and going home for a few hours. I thought that living so close to home would be a blessing, which it has been, but it's also been hard because I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about going home. Also I think I had unrealistic expectations about this place. Everyone says that college is a million times better than high school and that you get close to so many people and make so many new friends and so far I liked high school about 3424324359209 trillion times more. I had friends in high school and I was doing something fun with them every night. I don't really have friends here and the most exciting thing I do at night is go running. I dunno. I'm sure it takes time to get into the swing of things and start getting to know people, but I've never been too patient.

Okay that was all really negative. I actually have had some fun here. Jordan and Kaden came up and visited me the other night and they came during what SUU calls "quiet hours" which basically means you have to be quiet from 10 pm-10 am. And let me just tell you. That was hands down the most STRESSFUL thing that's ever happened to me. My brothers are about a million things, but quiet is definitely not one of them. But I haven't laughed that hard since being at college, and I haven't laughed that hard since they left and that's saying something because a famous comedian that has a show on comedy network or central (is it obvious I don't watch tv yet?) came and performed here for all the students. And Jord and Kaden were still funnier than that. Anyways I freaking love my brothers and miss them so much but it's fun that they're gonna come see me sometimes.

Something else I love is my job. I don't remember if I ever blogged about my new job before but if I have you're about to get a repeat. I work at a Taste of Hawaii as a waitress and I love it. It's so fun to be able to talk to all the regulars that have been coming there since dinosaurs walked the freakin earth and also to those just passing through Cedar, who ask what there is to do in Cedar. Ha NOTHING. Good one though. But it's also fun because my boss has foster kids and they help out there and I've gotten to know Issac and Oscar, especially Issac. They're the coolest kids ever and I love working with them. It's crazy how hard some people's lives are, but they still find a reason to be happy everyday.

So I guess that's my goal for this next week, because it's been a week since I moved away. I'm gonna find a reason to be happy every day. And when I get really down and that reason isn't working for me anymore, I'm gonna find a new reason. Because I really feel like college is like everything else in life and it's just as fun as you make it.

So here's to a better week than last one. I'll let you know how this goes.