the whole story.

i'd be lying if  I said I wasn't thinking about the short two months I had as the start of my mission experience ALL the time. whenever my mind wanders, it heads on back to the six weeks I spent in mexico trying (key word) to learn Spanish, and the 4 weeks I spent in texas, mostly being so sick but somehow finding a way to spread the gospel here and there. when I think about these two months, it's a little baffling. crazy is the understatement of the year, and after everything I went through, there is NO way I could ever even think about denying that our father in heaven has his hand in EVERYthing. this is pretty much what happened.

April 8, 2014. I said goodbye to my family and the life I was comfortable with to head out on an 18 month adventure that just so happened to start in mexico city, mexico. I had to switch flights three different times, and sleep on the airport floor. not to mention I was sad and alone and super confused at this point as to why I ever thought a mission sounded like a good idea.

 I arrived in mexico and met my best friend, Hermana bleyl. we hit it off absolutely instantly and she made my experience in the ccm one of the best experiences in my life. flash forward about 5 weeks jam packed with a lot of classes, some sketchy meals, times when I laughed so hard I cried, and overall gaining a stronger testimony and being so overjoyed with my decision to serve a mission.

that's pretty much when things started to go downhill. I started feeling pretty crappy for reasons still unknown. I started throwing up and I passed out on the night before I was scheduled to fly out for texas. the doctors in the clinic in mexico wrote that off as me being dehydrated because i'd been sick, and that sounded like a good enough reason for me as long as they would let me fly out when I was supposed to. that night we flew on a red eye flight to Houston, where I oh so charmingly threw up on the plane. we finally made it to the mission home and I dismissed my mission presidents wife's questions about my health, not knowing at this point that I was sicker than I thought.

I was assigned to labor in Dalhart, Texas with Hermana rocha as my trainer. I was in love with the area and my trainer taught me SO much and we had so much fun together. we pink-washed the area, and it was in desperate need of some love when we got there. needless to say we had our work cut out for us!

 the first two weeks were hard. we would leave the apartment after study time and i would throw up on the side of the road a couple of times which would force us to come home. i basically slept, waking up only to make appointments and throw up. i passed out a few more times and i was really starting to get concerned because this was starting to seem like a bigger deal than i thought it was. at this point i was in contact with my mission presidents wife and the mission doctor in salt lake. things continued like this until my third week there, when one day i woke up and felt pretty good. i didn't throw up or pass out for six days, and i thought i was on the other end of this sickness. we worked our butts off, making up for the time we lost. the lord blessed us SO much in that week, we met some amazing people and were blessed enough to commit an amazing lady to baptism. things were going so well for us, we were being blessed like crazy. then one morning i woke up and wasn't feeling so good anymore. we had district meeting in dumas, about 40 minutes away. we had district lunch after, and i was not feeling too hot at ALL. we headed back to Dalhart and the minute i walked into the apartment i started throwing up again, and basically didn't stop for the rest of the day and all night. the next day we contacted my mission presidents wife and she told us to drive to Amarillo to the urgent care there, about two hours away, and to leave as soon as possible.

upon arriving at the urgent care, we learned that i was crazy anemic and that i was still losing blood, but they couldn't determine where i was losing it from. they called the ER before we left so they would be expecting us. we got to the hospital and they checked my blood level again and found that i was short about half the blood in my body. i was admitted to ICU and received a blood transfusion that night. the next day i was scoped and the source of the bleeding was found. because i had been throwing up so much, my stomach was producing a lot of acid. the acid burned a hole in my stomach and an ulcer developed. the ulcer was bleeding and that's where i was losing so much blood from. because my body was lacking so much blood, my heart was working like triple time to keep me going. when i arrived at the hospital, my doctor later informed me, i was not far from a heart attack. i spent a few nights in ICU and then was released. i was sent home to recover because the doctors said i was in no condition to do the things needed of me in the mission field, at least not for a couple months.

i learned A LOT. through every single day during this time Hermana rocha and i had experiences that couldn't be written off as anything short of tender mercies from heavenly father. never before have i known so strongly that my father in heaven has a unique plan for me and that this, even though i have no idea how right now, is part of it. i have the strongest testimony that God puts people in our paths for our benefit. my companion was my companion for a specific reason that was made so clear to me while i was in the hospital. there is no way that any person could have known how much we would have needed each other, there is no doubt in my mind that was divine.

i also learned SO much about faith. i don't know why that happened to me. i don't know how i could go my whole life and be as healthy as can be, never have any problems, and then the minute i get away from home have everything go wrong. but i do know that there is a reason i went through that and that i'm home right now. i don't know what it is, but i don't have to because the lord does and he is in control. my life up to this point has pretty much gone how i thought it was going to. i haven't been thrown any crazy curve balls and I've been incredibly blessed. BUT i feel so much gratitude to my father in heaven for this trial. i have never REALLY had my faith tested before. this experience has taught me that no, life isn't always going to go as planned. sometimes things are going to happen and it's going to be really hard and we're not going to understand. but that is the time when we have to rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ, because he has literally been there and experienced everything we're going through. he understands. and he loves us. and ALL we have to do is turn all our pain and hard days over to the lord and we can have peace. and that is what I've learned in these past few months.

i wouldn't trade these things that i have learned for ANYTHING. i feel so incredibly blessed to be where i am in life right now, and to be able to say that i know this church is true. I've never known anything like i know that. i know that god is mindful of EVERY one of us and our individual situations. i know that Jesus Christ is the savior and redeemer of the world without this experience, my testimony wouldn't be where it's at. i am so blessed.

called to serve.

better late than never, eh? I received my mission call last week. 

I have been called to serve in the Lubbock Texas mission, and I report to the Mexico MTC to learn Spanish on April 9. 

honestly I am so happy. this has been hard. I loved suu. I loved my roommates and where I lived and my job and everything about my life in cedar. it was hard to leave. but The Lord has blessed me more than ever before. the support I have felt from absolutely everybody throughout this whole experience really is overwhelming. 

a friend made this for me and it couldn't be more perfect. I know I will come to love the people of Texas as I serve them, and I can't wait to get out there. this is the right decision for me. I know it like I've never known anything. 

the church is true and I can't wait to share the light that the gospel has to offer (: 

cats outta the bag.

truth is, i'm not sure I've ever been as sure of myself and what i'm doing than I am right now in my life. I have decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and my papers are officially submitted as of last week. it's amazing to me how the Lord takes care of us. The day I received my patracharial blessing was the day I knew a mission was what was in my very near future. It was a hard day and I made some big decisions. But ever since I have decided what i'm going to do, the Lord has never left me. I've never been happier than I am right now and I can already see blessings left and right from my decision to serve. The support I've received is unreal and the good feeling that's been with me since I've submitted my papers is completely undeniable. life is just too good and I always want to remember how I feel about this right now because i'm under no delusions that this is going to be easy. I do know that it's going to be possible and there's no better place for me to be.

that little announcement aside, this last weekend has been the BEST. tonight I went to a Christmas party with the whole crew from highschool. a lot of us have gone our separate ways and we're all doing different things with our lives and I haven't talked to some of these girls since graduation and saying it was good to see them and laugh with them about old times is the understatement of the year.

this is after a couple girls had to head out, but you get the gist of it. such a good night with my favorites (:

 I guess the point of this whole thing is that I know that what i'm doing right now is exactly what i'm supposed to be doing. i'm absolutely scared to death because I hate not knowing where i'll be serving and thinking about being away from my family makes me teary just thinking about, but all that aside I know. there is nothing better for me and I can't wait to serve the Lord for a year and a half where he needs me. basically I just love everything and it's never been so obvious how blessed I am :')

thanksgiving break and too much snow.

guess how much it snows in hurricane? MAYBE an inch a year. and it pretty much shuts down the town. that's why I am so confused why I am sitting in class right now. it snowed over a foot LAST NIGHT ALONE. woke up this morning, looked out the window and saw all the snow and checked my email to read the emails that surely came telling me class was cancelled because of extreme weather conditions. the thing that really stumped me was that there were no emails and I still had to go to class even though the temperature is in the negatives. toto, we're definitely not in hurricane anymore. 

to be fair I will include that me and Haylee did have fun in the snow a couple weeks ago. 

we bought snow boots and a sled and made this snow family. and it was a great day, don't get me wrong. but after that I had my snow fix but it just keeps snowing. I guess you can't win them all. 

thanksgiving break was the best. I got out of school Tuesday and loaded up my car with enough stuff to stay a month and headed home. that night me and my mamma and Kristen went and saw catching fire (BEST MOVIE EVER PEETA NEEDS TO MARRY ME) and went out to dinner! the next day we headed up north for the rest of the weekend. 

our week consisted of shopping, 

 

ice skating, (excuse the red eye I couldn't fix no matter how hard I tried) shopping, 

going to the jazz game with the fam, shopping, 

seeing brigadoon at hale theater, (which turned out to be really good. definitely gave Tarzan a run for it's money) shopping, 

going to see the temple lights (there were exactly one million and one people there. that is an odd number because I was the only one without a date. holla) shopping, 

and hanging out with the whole fam (: 

oh yeah, and we went shopping. me and Jordan and Kaden went to the mall at midnight for Jordan's first Black Friday experience ever. there were definitely enough people there to get the whole feel for it. the one thing we bought wasn't on sale, so you could say we failed. it was fun though! 

after the jazz game me and Jord and Kaden went to mcdonalds. there was a homeless man sitting outside on his suitcase so we decided to buy him a couple burgers. he was so grateful and it was so humbling. he had literally nothing, barely even a coat to live in snowy salt lake. and all we had to offer him were two mcdonalds dollar menu burgers, yet you would have thought we handed him a hundred dollar bill. it made me think about how much I really do have to be thankful for. so in honor of the holiday season and thanksgiving last week, I'm gonna make the typical 'things I'm thankful for' list. 

1. I am so so so so so thankful for my family. they are my favorite people in the world and it's been so fun growing up with my brothers. my parents are amazing people who have showed me through example how it looks to be genuinely good people. 

2. even though it's hard someone's, I am thankful for the opportunity I have to attend suu. yeah it's cold and snowy but it's been good to experience college and living away from home (if you consider going home for Sunday dinner every week living away from home haha) 

3. I am thankful for my roommates emilee and madasyn. I don't know how I lucked out to get normal roommates but I did and I love them and all our crazy moments. 

4. I am thankful for the example of all my friends on missions and all those with calls waiting to leave and those that are preparing to leave. they are the best examples to me and I really look up to all of them. 

5. I am thankful for my job and my boss. I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again, but I have the best job and I am really blessed to work there. 

and 6. I am thankful for the gospel and all the opportunities it provides for me. I don't know everything, but I do know I am thankful for the influence it has on my life. 

this is just the tip of the ice berg and I am so lucky to have everything I do. 

oh hey.

THINGS I REALIZE:
1. in two days, it will have been a month since I have blogged.
2. I will make the excuse like I always do that I have been busy, but let's be real. mostly i'm just lazy.
THINGS I NEED YOU TO REALIZE:
1. this is going to be long.
2. most of the stuff I would imagine you really don't care about.

with that being said, let's do this. first of all i'm doing this on my laptop and I usually blog from my phone so I can include pictures. if I had to choose two words to describe me, it would probably be these two: TECHNOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED. so I really don't know if this will have pictures with it. we'll all just be surprised.

so let's back up about a million years.

before i begin this story i just want to make it a point to let everyone know that it probably took me half an hour to get that picture in this so YOU'RE WELCOME. for fall break we tossed around quite a few ideas. and if you can believe it, camping at grafton won out. if you know my family at all, you know we're not big time campers. my dad and brothers THINK they're some great outdoorsmen, if that counts for anything. but once in a great while, we go real life-dutch oven dinner-harmonica playing and jokes around the campfire-sleeping in tents- honest to goodness camping. and this was one of those times. i always dread it when my dad decides it's time for another camping trip, but once we were out there and got everything set up, i was a literal happy camper (; we decided to go into zion and hike angels landing, and me and jord and kaden made it all the way to the top! here's a tip to anyone thinking about hiking angels landing: the view from about halfway up is the exact same view from the top, so if your pride will allow it (which mine wont) just go to the halfway point and you're golden.

me and haylee decided to be fun college students and go up to the howl (according to the site, the biggest party west of the Mississippi river..we had to go once in our college careers, right?) in logan. so we began our trek north.

 

this is one think about logan that i learned on that trip. you can drive and drive and drive and drive and you still won't be there. about 5 hours into our trip, i began to believe that logan was a myth. this whole party was one big prank to make poor college students spend all their money in gas for nothing. but finally FINALLY we got there. and i can honestly say it was worth every second spent trapped in our car. and then some. we picked holly up on the way in orem, and kalli lives in logan (i don't know why in the world anyone would ever live in logan, but whatever floats your boat) and it was fun to see them! anyways, the party was completely nuts and so so much fun.

the day after the howl was my birthday and haylee oh so generously bought me these birthday antennas that i sported while driving even though it meant i couldn't sit straight. i am such a good sport. my birthday was a good one this year. nevermind that i'm NINETEEN FREAKING YEARS OLD AND NEXT YEAR I'LL BE TWENTY AND HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN. haha but anyways, we drove back to hurricane that day and i just spent the day with my family and friends!

 

exactly 8 days after returning from cedar from salt lake it snowed. yup. real life snow. in November. you're reading all of this correctly, i understand your shock. me and my roommates left the room at like 11:00 one night to get some chicken nuggets from Wendy's and BAM. snow everywhere. they're both from up north and don't understand that i was born and raised in hurricane Utah, and they didn't understand why i was freaking out. anyways, i tell you this because of the following: 9 days after returning from salt lake and one day after it snowed, i got a binder out of the back of my car and proceeded to scrape the snow and ice off of my car for roughly 30 minutes in the 16 degree weather so i could make the drive to salt lake again. my only thought while scraping? why in the freaking heck did i willingly move myself to cedar city, Utah.

 

 it is kinda pretty though, huh? and it was totally worth it. because that night i got to see Shelby, eat at the cheesecake factory, and see FREAKING MAYDAY PARADE LIVE OH MY GOSH. nobody will ever know what a big deal that is to me so i'll be brief. it was the best day of my life and i love them and they are so good live i can't even.

 

this is a real life picture from that night. i was that close to him. i love him i love him i love him.

it was most definitely not the last mayday concert i will be attending, we'll leave it at that.

oh yeah, i am still at college. i love it here. college is freezing though. i don't know why cedar has to be as cold as it is. i don't know what it's trying to prove. things are always crazy busy around here. i love my roommates, my classes, and my job. i don't know how i lucked out and love all of those things, but i do.

 

well, that's about all I've got. if you actually read through all that i give you props. if you didn't, i completely understand.

 

 

I actually have things to say.

guys so much has happened and yay for most of it being good! 

lets go ahead and get the bad out of the way. I completely shattered my phone and I absolutely cried. mostly I'm just telling you this because if there's a lot more typos in this than usual, that's why. I can't see what I'm typing in some places. my sincerest. 

on with the good. I got reminded a week ago today that Heavenly Father cares about me. woo. unfortunately that's one of those things I forget a lot and need constant reminding but He loves me enough to give me that. I've really been stressing lately. I feel like there's more I need to do and I just couldn't figure out what. I considerd a mission for a while but that just has never felt right for me. but I was really considering it because I've just been feeling like I need to GO. so this next part is so dumb but go with me here. I was watching soul surfer (all time fav movie) last Tuesday and it hit me. so this time next year, if things continue to go as planned, I will be attending the University of Hawaii. I really feel like this is what I need to do. I don't know what it is, and it may seem silly because I can't explain it but I'm gonna give it a try. I've had a couple meetings with the global engagement center and my academic advisor and things are going well so far so here's to hoping this works out. 

other way cool stuff. my best friend got his mission call to Apea, Samoa. let's pretend like I spelled that right, yeah? I just need to go a little further so you realize how big of a deal this is. his mom is full Samoan and his dad is white, so Keanu doesn't look like it, but he is definitely Samoan. and it's always been a really big deal for him. he spends a lot of time at his grandmas house, learning Samoan. he was raised with a lot of the traditions and he respects them. he's even taught me a little, and I'll pretend like I have anything to show for those lessons (; anyways though,, he would always tell me about people he would hear being called to Samoa and he was SO jealous. so when he opened that call and read those words, my first thought was that he was messin with everyone, which is 100 percent typical for him. but I just got chills and he was all choked up and I knew he wasn't kidding and it was so amazing. he is gonna be the best missionary in the world and I'm so so proud of him. 

hahaha I just feel like this is proof that he really is Samoan. check out his leis. and the only reason I have any is because of his family. it's a thing apparently. 

alright other things. last week was suu's homecoming week and being faithful freshmen, we attended the majority of the activities. a lot of them were a bust, but Friday was SO fun. 

hellogoodbye came and performed live and this was their guitarist and we loved him. so there's that. there's also this little tradition suu has called true t-bird night. the idea is that everyone goes down to this big statue of a horse and at midnight everyone kisses someone and then you're a true t-bird. we decided we would go because that is a people watchers heaven. it had recently been brought to my attention that my dad reads this blog so I'm just gonna go ahead and leave this story at that (; but it was a fun night and I'll be done with this story! haha 

speaking of my dad, today is his birthday but we did his celebration on Sunday because I was home. 

I don't think my dad realizes how much I look up to him. especially now that I've moved out. being in cedar has made me realize that money doesn't make itself and he has always provided for my family. and I love him for being the crazy hard worker that he is. really there's not a minute when my dad isn't doing something that is going to benefit me and my brothers. I love that he is so funny (although not quite as funny as he thinks he is) (; and always down for a good chat. I love you dad (: 

hikes and stuff.

 you know how there's those people who live for hiking and then there's those people that are like why. yeah I definitely fall under the why category. but a few days ago I started thinking about going on a hike. and I just latched so hard onto the idea. and I was going hiking no matter what, dangit. I roped Haylee into going with me, mostly I think she was just worried about me because I was going crazy because who even hikes. but it was BEAUTIFUL and probably made it into my top 5 favorite days at college so far. lucky for you I took one million pictures because that's how I roll, yo. 

leaves are changing here and it's fall? who even knew such a season existed? not me. 

probably my favorite part of the hike. to get to one of the falls you have to walk through the water in the narrow little rock thing. it was freezing and the best. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is I get why people like hiking. because apparently I Iike hiking. 

other stuff that's happening to me is I'm being a super senior. we went to hurricane last night for their homecoming game, and I spent about 30 minutes in suu's bookstore picking out an suu sweatshirt to wear to the game so people knew that I was actually doing something with my life. combat the super seniorness of the whole experience. all that led to was one million people asking me about school, which is the worst. but you do what you gotta do, ya know? 

it was actually super fun because tons of people we graduated with were there. so we just repped the super senior section and it was all good (:

it was all a good start to the weekend (: