better and better.

so this is pretty much just me talking about how pretty cedar is and posting mediocre pictures I took on my phone round two. how obnoxious am I? (; no but really LOOK. 

I am so obsessed with the weather here right now. I know that in about a month, if that long it's gonna be freezing and I'm gonna be eating my words but for now I'm in love. 

did you know cedar just has its own tiny lake? this is where I go always. because it's warm water and so calm and beautiful. 

guys college isn't as bad as I made it out to be. I had a really rough start, but I'm about 70 million times better. dare I say I like it? this is what I learned. attitude is absolutely everything. I had it set in my mind that was a huge step, which it was. and I give myself props for being here and trying this, so yay me. but it's DEFINITELY do-able. and it can be hard and I'm sure I'll have some more really tough days when I just wanna go home. but I can do it. 

tonight my suite mates invited me to go to McDonalds with them and I did. I really haven't gotten to know them at all and I feel bad about that. this week I'm gonna make an effort to be their friend. because how fun would it be to be their friend and hangout and have cute roommate movie nights? okay probably that was creepy. 

but anyways. college is good. change is completely necessary and anyone can handle it. and my roommates are gonna be my friends. holler. 

cedar appreciation.

so I personally think I work on the cutest street in cedar and I love my job. tonight we were way slow and my boss doesn't care what I do so I stood outside and watched the sunset for really probably 20 minutes. 

I just work here. so cute. let me draw your attention to some specifics. first of all the classic barber shop swirly thing. I don't know what its called, I just know I love it. second of all the hanging basket of flowers. I am in love. it's hard to see because it was getting dark, but use your imagination. and the lights in the trees make my day. all the buildings are cute and old and I just love it okay. 

also this. taken right from the doorway of my work. how unreal is this? cedars sunsets are always nuts but I was dying tonight. 

I dunno, I've really appreciated this place more the past few days. I don't hate it here anymore. I actually really like it (: 

looking up.

you know that old saying 'its always darkest before the light?' I really feel like I experienced that this week. I really didn't know what I was gonna do at the beginning of this week. moving home and commuting was something I thought about a million times a day. I felt judged and alone and so sad all the time. it was  rough go. then all of the sudden things got better. I owe a big part of it to my brother. I called my mom when day and was crying to her about how awful everything was and how I didn't have any friends here and Jord was with her and could hear what was going on. the next day I get a text from a number I didn't know asking me on a date. come to find out it was one of Jordan's old mission companions that's also at suu going to school. we went and got ice cream and just talked and it felt so good to know I finally have a friend here. it felt good to talk about stuff that wasn't college related and to laugh and not be alone. and I owe that to my brother. 

that was really the start of things looking up around here. that night I was in such a good mood and I went to casino night, a college sponsored party, I didn't really gamble. relatives calm down (; 

me being a freakin stud and winning black jack over and over (; 

look how fun it was though. everyone was dressed up all fancy and it was in a way cool building and it was just a fun atmosphere! seriously such a fun night. 

the next night me and Haylee came home to hurricane for a suu/Dixie combined dance party. 

Kalli is going to Dixie so she came with us and it was so fun to hangout with her! I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her. 

we slept in hurricane that night and I was woken up at 9 in the freaking am by my dad to go clean the church for the SECOND WEEK IN A ROW. wtf. but luckily I love my family and how huge it is so it wasn't that big of a deal. 

plus I got to use this huge vacuum so it wasn't all bad, folks. 

that night we came back up to school and went to the first home game of the season! 

it was seriously so fun to go to a football game again. I've missed it! we won, complete blowout, but it was way fun! 

after the game was a huge paint dance and it was absolute POURING but it was so so fun. and dangerous. people go crazy to get to the front of things. lets not be complete savages, people. 

we're looking a little rough, but it was so fun! 

I was home in hurricane today and really I have the best family, absolutely no competition. after dinner today we were all just sitting around talking and it's really baffling how hilarious all my brothers and parents are. I absolutely love it. also we took family pictures last weekend because we were all home for the first time in forever. look how precious. 

these ones were my favorites and they're mostly just the ones we were being silly in. but that's just how we are and it's my favorite. also these are crappy quality because I had to take a picture of a picture. sorry about it. 

alright I'll be done now. sorry about the marathon post. here's to another good week! 

perfect.

So okay I cheated. I said I was gonna find one positive thing about college today and woops my positive thing today was I got to leave college and go HOME 💙 

I seriously love hurricane. I love my house and all the food we have. Seriously so many choices. Like other than fruit snacks and goldfish because that's what I've been living off of. Love my mamma. She cracks me right up. Love Brandon and Derek. LOVE Kaden. Oh so much. Love my dad and his sarcastic dry sense of humor. Love spending time with Keanu. Seriously nobody puts me in a good mood like that kid does. Just LOVE hurricane. 

I got to go watch my best friend quarterback tonight and it was so fun. 

I look Chinese, everyone get right over it because I love him okay. 

These cute boys made it to the final cut of student council and got to do their skits in front of the school today. Seriously no two cuter kids in the world. 

And to top the day off I got to see this cute girl for a minute (: 

One last thing. If one more person makes the comment 'oh you just live in cedar, you're close, you're fine!' Or 'jessica you've only been moved out a week!' NO. I'm allowed to miss hurricane and love it and visit it every day if I want okay. 

Anyways perfect day 💙💛

i'm still at college.

So I really was gonna be good and blog about everything ever that happened to me at college but it turns out that even at college, I suck at blogging.

Guys college is hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Not like hard class wise, because honestly so far I love the school part of college, but hard in every other way. I am constantly torn between staying here and going home for a few hours. I thought that living so close to home would be a blessing, which it has been, but it's also been hard because I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about going home. Also I think I had unrealistic expectations about this place. Everyone says that college is a million times better than high school and that you get close to so many people and make so many new friends and so far I liked high school about 3424324359209 trillion times more. I had friends in high school and I was doing something fun with them every night. I don't really have friends here and the most exciting thing I do at night is go running. I dunno. I'm sure it takes time to get into the swing of things and start getting to know people, but I've never been too patient.

Okay that was all really negative. I actually have had some fun here. Jordan and Kaden came up and visited me the other night and they came during what SUU calls "quiet hours" which basically means you have to be quiet from 10 pm-10 am. And let me just tell you. That was hands down the most STRESSFUL thing that's ever happened to me. My brothers are about a million things, but quiet is definitely not one of them. But I haven't laughed that hard since being at college, and I haven't laughed that hard since they left and that's saying something because a famous comedian that has a show on comedy network or central (is it obvious I don't watch tv yet?) came and performed here for all the students. And Jord and Kaden were still funnier than that. Anyways I freaking love my brothers and miss them so much but it's fun that they're gonna come see me sometimes.

Something else I love is my job. I don't remember if I ever blogged about my new job before but if I have you're about to get a repeat. I work at a Taste of Hawaii as a waitress and I love it. It's so fun to be able to talk to all the regulars that have been coming there since dinosaurs walked the freakin earth and also to those just passing through Cedar, who ask what there is to do in Cedar. Ha NOTHING. Good one though. But it's also fun because my boss has foster kids and they help out there and I've gotten to know Issac and Oscar, especially Issac. They're the coolest kids ever and I love working with them. It's crazy how hard some people's lives are, but they still find a reason to be happy everyday.

So I guess that's my goal for this next week, because it's been a week since I moved away. I'm gonna find a reason to be happy every day. And when I get really down and that reason isn't working for me anymore, I'm gonna find a new reason. Because I really feel like college is like everything else in life and it's just as fun as you make it.

So here's to a better week than last one. I'll let you know how this goes.

first day.

Well college is already CRAZY and classes haven't even started classes yet. My mom came up with me yesterday and we got everything all moved into my new room. 

My mom loves awkward photos of me by myself. But ignore that, and look how cute my room is! 

The bathroom...

And my roommates side of the room! And speaking of my roommate. 

There she is. Guys. This is definitely a big deal for me. She's super nice and sweet, but she's a musical arts major who went to a private school for the arts in Vegas and  I'm just a kid that was born and raised in Hurricane, Utah. She asked what I did and I told her play tennis and lacrosse and I'm pretty sure she's never heard of either. Which is fine, just different. 

After all the parents left, I found Haylee and paisley who are also up here THANK GOODNESS. We all hungout and went to dinner and then decided we were tired. We were just laying in our room and these 5 boys came and knocked on the door and wanted to hangout. So I called Pais and Haylee and Haylee brought her roommates and we went to Denny's with them! It was pretty fun, sooo different than what I'm used to. After Denny's, we went to 'the beach' where we just talked and got to know each other better. 

This is what I learned from that. People are DIFFERENT. And it's weird to me. I feel like everyone in Hurricane is just exactly the same. We all get along and can hangout with each other but there's absolutely no diversity. Not slamming on Hurricane at all because I love it. But that's just how I see it. 

Speaking of diversity, there could not have been a more diverse group. For once in my life it wasn't me with a billion other Mormons. It was me and one other Mormon and 10 non Mormons. And that was different for me. And everyone's interests were foreign to me. There was a kid from Austria with us, accent and all. And a seven foot tall kid that is at SUU on a full ride for basketball. I dunno, just crazy stuff. 

We all hungout until the cops came and told us we weren't supposed to be there after dark. Woops (; 

After all was said and done, I met Haylee in the living room on my floor and we just hashed out the evening. I'm glad we got to meet some new people right on the first night, but I'm excited to meet more people. Maybe some more like me. 

And I'm especially I'm glad my best friend is here to experience it all with me (:

pre-college.

Well. This is it. In about three hours, life as I know it will be over. I wish I could say I'm handling this change like a champ, but that would be a straight up lie. I realize I'm moving to cedar. I realize I can come home whenever I want. All of that doesn't really help though. I guess it's just the idea of it all. Sure I can come home whenever I want, but it's the little everyday things I'm gonna miss so much. 

The little things like this. Hahaha. Last night I was talking to Kaden and my parents for like two hours and I was all crying because I'm a dramatic and my mom was crying, probably because she raised a dramatic baby. And I was just sad. And then Kaden was being all funny, wearing his pants around his neck and making me laugh. And I'm just gonna miss the little moments. 

But. I am kinda excited. My life is definitely changing, but I'm kinda ready for it. I'm ready to meet new people and try new things. 

So here's to hoping this is a good experience. 

I will definitely be keeping you posted.